Putting On My Big-Girl Pants...

I often find that I'm getting ahead of myself... My thoughts and ideas and plans move faster than real life. I can get a bit extreme. For example, when I thought about starting to write, in my head I moved from Instagram/Facebook posts to an exploding blog to thousands of followers to a book deal, all in the span of a few months. Ha. EXTREME. I've returned to the place where I am writing for myself and if others are encouraged in the process, then great! But I am taking the pressure off. If my writing stays between me and just a few of you, that is ok! If nothing else, I've got these two super fans spurring me on... ;-)

That said, I am open to more people reading my words. Honestly, this makes me a bit nervous... I've mentioned I'm somewhat scared of the internet, so this is a big step. But I'm trusting that there are ears that need to hear, so I'm going to speak a little louder, if you will. I've set up a Facebook page for my blog. Here it is! This is so that people can more easily follow along without having to personally know me or one of my people. Plus, it can be shared more simply and openly. Again, tempted to start biting my nails and stress-eat all the graham crackers and gummy bears... But I'm putting on my big-girl pants and going for it. I've been so inspired and encouraged by a few others who were brave enough to speak to a wider audience, so I'm taking the plunge myself. 

I'm going to start by way of one of my love languages: giving gifts! It's one of my most favorite things to do, so I've gathered together a few of my other most favorite things to share with one of you lucky people. I'm doing my first giveaway! I, personally, don't love when bloggers do giveaways by making readers 'like' and share a million things a million different places.. I get why they do it, but I'm just not techy enough to figure out how to do all of the things! So I'm going to make this really simple... 'Like' my Grace and Graham Crackers Facebook page. Right here! That's all you have to do, and I'll put your name in the hat. (Yeah, we are not sophisticated enough yet to use a fancy online drawing generator... The good old names-in-a-hat trick will have to do!) Plus by following the Facebook page, you'll be the first to find out when I post to the blog and I may just do more giveaways because I LOVE GIVING GIFTS!!! This will also be an easier way to share the blog with others, if you feel so inclined. 

So, here's what one lucky follower will get:

- Weekly planner: I love these! It's a simple pad of paper making it easy to plan out my week. Meals, reminders, plans... It can all go right on there and they tear off making it easy to post the week on the fridge. And they are cute. Thank you, Target Dollar Spot!

- Grateful notecards: I also love these. They can be used as Thank You notes or as a sweet way to let someone know how grateful you are for them. Also, Target Dollar Spot. 

- Gretta's Goats soap: My parents gave me a bunch of this goat milk soap for my birthday and I LOVE it. So I'm sharing a sample because the world needs to know about Gretta and her goats and their soap. 

- Peppermint and Wild Orange Lip Balm: This is my fav lip balm. It smells amazing and works great! And it's made with essential oils, so WIN. 

- The Lotion Company hand lotion: This is a local company here in Muncie that makes some amazing products. Very popular with the residents and sold at the hospital. 

Thanks for all of the ways that you all have encouraged and pushed me to keep this up. You have all been so kind with your comments and messages and I'm so thankful for the connections that have been made just by you reading the things that I've written. I'm so excited about the possibility to reach more people with some encouraging words. So, 'Like' away, my friends! I'll pick a winner sometime early next week and mail this fun little care package out to one of you pronto! ;-)

Sarah

Stress-Inducing Risks

We had dinner at the hospital again. And every single time someone walked past us, Lyla shouted "Hello people!" while waving as big as she possibly could. At first I tried to quiet her down, thinking people would be annoyed or someone might be offended when she hollered "Hello man" and they were a woman... But then I realized those "hello"s and waves and smiles were needed. The risk of annoying a person was outweighed by the potential to encourage and brighten someone's day.

Things have been quiet on here recently, and I've been trying to figure out why I haven't had much to say. I keep sitting down to write, but stopping before I even get started. I keep taking pictures, hoping to find some inspiration but... nothing. I've looked back at past things I've written, hoping for some drive but... nothing. And this afternoon I realized my issue. I've got that all-too-familiar anxiety creeping back up... I know it well... That feeling in my gut and my throat that nags at my soul and tells me that I'm doing all of the things wrong. That I'm not patient enough. That my house is too messy. That I'm not as eloquent a writer as so-and-so and that I don't have the same photography skills as them. That I will regret some of the things I write. That someone will judge me harshly. That I'll share too much. That I'll share too little. That I'll be misunderstood. That my blog won't go anywhere and no one will read it. That my blog will explode and strangers everywhere will read it. I'm noticing that many of these fears make every possible scenario into a lose-lose situation. Not cool. 

Perhaps I need to consider risk vs. reward with my writing, just like with Lyla's loud, cheerful greetings. I might annoy someone with a post now and then. Someone else might be offended by something I say. I might not have the same exact gifting as everyone else. I may have to apologize for being insensitive or for not considering everyone's feelings. I'm not going to be able to please every single person with every single post... And that stresses this people-pleaser out just a little... But what if my words are just what one other person needed to hear.. What if someone else is encouraged by my honesty or my struggle.. What if my gifts are enough.. What if someone else is able to say "me too" after reading my thoughts, just like I've been able to after reading others'.. What if I'm just able to process my life better by writing and working through everyday struggles in a healthy way..  The stress-incuding risks will always be there, but so will the potential rewards and I'm pretty sure those will always win out. 

So, I'm not done. I'm going to keep trusting that the rewards will outweigh the risks. I'll be back, hopefully this week, with a little snippet of exciting blog news and a give-away because I LOVE giving gifts and it seems like a good thing to do when I'm struggling a bit for words. Thanks for showing up and for showing grace... There's enough for all of us. 

Sarah

Ray of Sunshine

Well, that's another road trip in the books.. And it's official. We've got a mom-car. It may not be a minivan, but it's got the same tell-tale used bandaids and stickers strewn about, more than the allotted daily serving of fruit snack wrappers and the all-too-familiar stench of McD's chicken nuggets. It. Is. Gross. 

And that's all just from one kid. 

We walk in the house and the living room, neat and tidy from days sans toddler becomes this within minutes...

She finds her dress up box and as I attempt to unload said nasty car, and I'm tripping over a tutu-wearing, VeggieTales-singing two year old, complete with microphone. 

And it is the best thing ever. 

Tomorrow morning we are having our weekly mom-date here at Casa Westergren and my sweet mama friends are going to have the privilege (ha) of getting to see our real-life, everyday selves... The ones that aren't unpacked and organized and neat and tidy. There very well may be used bandaids places and lingering chicken nugget smell. There will definitely be miss-matched dressing up and constant tripping over singing toddlers. But there will also be oh-so-much joy. Because the mess is proof of life well lived.. Of a safe trip home from Mimi and Bop's house. And of an imaginative little girl who feels safe to explore and create in her very own corner of the world. What gifts. 

We met Daddy at the hospital tonight and on the way in each and every person we passed smiled and stopped to say "hello" to Lyla. One older man, walking out of the hospital using oxygen looked down at her and said, "Well you are just a ray of sunshine on this gloomy day"... And it warmed this mama's heart.

There will be messes. Things may be a disaster and rather gross most of the time, but it is so so worth it. Because these sticky, smelly little ones bring so much joy into our crazy, messed up world. Tonight I am choosing to be grateful for the messy house... For the toy purse full of animal crackers that the dog sniffed out of the toy box tonight... And, especially, for the curious little girl behind it all... Because even in the mess, there are gifts. Precious reminders of blessings not to be taken for granted. 

"Mama! Butt All Messy!"

I recently read this blog post, written by a fellow Chick-Fil-A loving mom. My own mama had recommended it, saying it had made her laugh out loud. Now, my mom typically reserves her laughs for true hilarity, so I knew it must be good. I read. And I laughed. Hard. And I thought to myself, "Wow! We haven't had any really good poop stories since we became parents". Sure, we had a few newborn blowouts... One particular disgusting one that happened our first Sunday at church after she was born... In the sling... In the middle of the sermon... Without us knowing... But we had never had a really good deserving-of-its-own-blog-post poop story. UNTIL NOW.

The night had started like any other night... We went out for hamburgers with Lyla's very best friend. We burned off some energy at the playground. We came home and did her bath (the first one of the night...). We went back out to walk a friend's dog. And then came home and put our girl to bed. 

We were picking up the house and getting ready for bed, all the while listening to her sing in her crib (tonight "Oh Where is My Hairbrush" was her song of choice...) Daddy happened to walk down the hall and, passing her room, took a big whiff of the most horrendous smell. He opened the door and took one look and yelled for me...

Upon entering I, too, experience the stench and see a clean (CLEAN!!!) diaper lying on the floor next to a small pile of poo. Lyla standing in her poo-covered pj shirt in her poo-covered crib next to her poo-covered Bagoo water bottle (sorry Uncle Bagoo...) Surprisingly very little was on the sheet... Hmm... Moments later, I've got the girl standing in the bathtub and I'm spraying her down, when I hear Daddy holler again. This time louder. He had pulled the crib out from the wall and found an even bigger, more disgusting poo surprise behind her bed. 

***Enter all the choice words here***

She knew she wasn't supposed to poop in her diaper (we are loosely potty-training right now...) so she must have taken it off and squatted so that the majority of the mess would fall right out of her bed. Brilliant. If nothing else, we are raising a very SMART GIRL. Who would want poop in their actual bed!?!?

So, we got her cleaned up... Mama cleaned the girl. Daddy cleaned the EVERYTHING ELSE. The natural, homemade cleaning supplies traded for the big guns because POOP. The bedding changed and laundry started. The diffuser run with lemon and lavender oil to help with the smell and sleep. And then we sat down together and had a long, very repetitive, chat about how we DO NOT take diapers off and we DO NOT poop in bed. We laid her back down and listened to her sing ("Jesus Loves Me", this time) until she fell asleep... 

And I thought to myself, "Self, there's your very own blog-post-worthy poopy parenting story". Because surely someone else out there needs a good laugh. So, there you have it... No deep thoughts. No metaphors or lessons. No profound insights. Just a good poop story to make you laugh. Right now there is so much crap (ha. pun intended.) being spread around, especially social media. Gossip. Fear-mongering. Lies. Deceit. STRESS. And it really stinks (haha. pun very-much intended). So, hopefully this was the opposite of all that... A real-life story of real-life people doing their best to raise a real-life little girl... Poop messes and all. 

Two

My baby just turned two, which feels like a pretty big deal. There were donuts and presents and cupcakes and friends and family and food all weekend long. We celebrated her little life pretty darn well, with plenty of sugar and lots of her people. Success. I know I should probably be crying all the bittersweet tears and begging time to stop because my-baby-is-growing-up-too-fast-and-I-can't-even-deal, but I'm actually pretty pumped. (In case anyone thinks I'm dead inside, I shed a couple when we set up her big girl bed... Come on, I'm not a robot.) 

Don't get me wrong, I have loved these past two years with her, but the newborn/infancy stage was really, really tough on me. This time two years ago, we were settling in to our first night at home with her, and I was an anxious, terrified, exhausted, hormonal, weepy mess. And I was like that for months and months... And months... So, when I say that I'm not super sad to be two years out from those early days and weeks (and months) with my girl, I mean it. I count myself blessed to have been able to carry her in my belly for nine months, bring her into this world and breastfeed her for the first year of her life. I do not take these precious things for granted. They are true gifts, and I am thankful for them. But in the spirit of being real and honest, I will tell you that those beautiful experiences were the most difficult of my life, and I'm thankful to be past them.

I'm loving having a toddler. I love that we can communicate with each other. I love that we can play and that I can see her learning new things everyday. I love that she is quickly learning to value her people over stuff. I'm thankful to be where we are at. And I'm truly not mourning her transition from baby to child. I can look back on the brokenness of my early days as a mom with gratitude and fondness, knowing that as with all things, God is the best at creating beauty from pain. This is why the theme of grace is such a big deal for me... Why I talk about it all the time and why it's the title of my blog... There are pictures of it everywhere and, lately, I can't help but see and share them. My baby just turned two. And it is a big deal. Because of grace. We celebrate this milestone because of loads of grace.