Stress-Inducing Risks

We had dinner at the hospital again. And every single time someone walked past us, Lyla shouted "Hello people!" while waving as big as she possibly could. At first I tried to quiet her down, thinking people would be annoyed or someone might be offended when she hollered "Hello man" and they were a woman... But then I realized those "hello"s and waves and smiles were needed. The risk of annoying a person was outweighed by the potential to encourage and brighten someone's day.

Things have been quiet on here recently, and I've been trying to figure out why I haven't had much to say. I keep sitting down to write, but stopping before I even get started. I keep taking pictures, hoping to find some inspiration but... nothing. I've looked back at past things I've written, hoping for some drive but... nothing. And this afternoon I realized my issue. I've got that all-too-familiar anxiety creeping back up... I know it well... That feeling in my gut and my throat that nags at my soul and tells me that I'm doing all of the things wrong. That I'm not patient enough. That my house is too messy. That I'm not as eloquent a writer as so-and-so and that I don't have the same photography skills as them. That I will regret some of the things I write. That someone will judge me harshly. That I'll share too much. That I'll share too little. That I'll be misunderstood. That my blog won't go anywhere and no one will read it. That my blog will explode and strangers everywhere will read it. I'm noticing that many of these fears make every possible scenario into a lose-lose situation. Not cool. 

Perhaps I need to consider risk vs. reward with my writing, just like with Lyla's loud, cheerful greetings. I might annoy someone with a post now and then. Someone else might be offended by something I say. I might not have the same exact gifting as everyone else. I may have to apologize for being insensitive or for not considering everyone's feelings. I'm not going to be able to please every single person with every single post... And that stresses this people-pleaser out just a little... But what if my words are just what one other person needed to hear.. What if someone else is encouraged by my honesty or my struggle.. What if my gifts are enough.. What if someone else is able to say "me too" after reading my thoughts, just like I've been able to after reading others'.. What if I'm just able to process my life better by writing and working through everyday struggles in a healthy way..  The stress-incuding risks will always be there, but so will the potential rewards and I'm pretty sure those will always win out. 

So, I'm not done. I'm going to keep trusting that the rewards will outweigh the risks. I'll be back, hopefully this week, with a little snippet of exciting blog news and a give-away because I LOVE giving gifts and it seems like a good thing to do when I'm struggling a bit for words. Thanks for showing up and for showing grace... There's enough for all of us. 

Sarah